Divorce is one of the greatest stressors experienced today. What many people don’t realize is even though it’s something they wanted, grief is a natural response. The simple reason that it’s new, different and maybe putting the divorcee in many unknown beginnings. This alone will create sheer terror. Fear is a result of walking into the unknown. Knowledge is the most powerful conqueror of fear. If we understand what’s in front of us, we are better prepared for it.
Mark Twain said it best,
“I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.”
When going through a divorce our life is thrown upside down, inside out and backwards. It’s hard for us to see the floor, let alone take a step forward, but understanding that fear is a normal emotional response to what is happening is a beginning step to moving through it. The first thing to understand is that what you might be feeling is anticipation or excitement. In fact there is a similar chemical reaction produced by the body when experiencing excitement and fear. Divorce can be an exciting time, a chance for a new beginning. Although there are unknowns, the possibilities are endless. Embracing the possibilities can help you find your footing and take the steps necessary to better your life.
“Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood. Now is the time to understand more, so that we may fear less.” Marie Curie (1867 – 1934)
Think of a time that you were scared to do something, perhaps when you were a child, maybe it was getting on that two wheeler for the first time, or letting go of floating devices in a pool. Think about how it felt when you moved through that fear. What lies on the other side of fear is excitement and celebration. If we can take steps to move through our fears, knowing that on the other side is a big splashy celebration, it will be easier to arrive at our destination. The definition of fear, is the anticipation of pain. If we think we will experience pain before it actually happens, then we are either living in a past experiencing, where we felt pain, or living in an unrealized future. By knowing this, we can gently bring ourselves back to the present moment and know that there’s nothing to fear but fear itself. Know that you can create a better life, a happier you and a healthier environment for yourself and your children, if you have any. By understanding fear as a natural response to divorce, facing it and moving through it, you will begin to discover your true power and unlimited possibilities for your future.